Debbie's Place

A Patient's Point of View

Category: Epilepsy (page 1 of 15)

Illusions

My mind drifts backwards…slowly…wistfully and…questionably, to the forks in the road. Some would call it the road less traveled, the path not taken but…what if? The forks in the road indicate a moment in time that we could not change our life course. A split second in time…with no warning….that we question over and over in our minds…. A time that represents a vivid…painful…line in our minds of…before and…after.
 
But if my mind drifts back a little further…I still see pain and disappointment. I still see dreams that were not fulfilled. I still see heart-ache and loss and grief. IIf I am honest with myself I still see paths that were not taken. I see a less than perfect person, with a less than perfect life. I see a different person… a person that thought she knew what she wanted and where she was going. But maybe that was a false path, only an illusion in my mind. Maybe none of us ever really knew where our lives were heading…maybe it was just an illusion. Maybe
that sense of control we thought we had over our lives was just that an illusion.
 
As my mind starts drifting slowly…forward in time, I see a new person. I see that the forks in the road are still there. I want to take the right path, but what if it is only an illusion? An illusion, is defined as an erroneous perception of reality. Could that possibly be the key? If I consider what I know to be real, what life has taught me through all the different and difficult forks in the road, could I possibly see things with correct perception? Could I take the right path I perceive an incredible amount of wasted time, where beauty and joy were not within my grasp…this is no illusion. I perceive time and energy trying to change things that were not within my ability to change…this is no illusion. I perceive a lost spark that at one time shined from within…this is no illusion. But as my mind drifts forward in time to this moment, to this fork in the road…I see that if I open my heart, I can again appreciate beauty and feel deep joy. I don’t have any extra energy so I will no longer waste any trying to change things I cannot change. And if I look really close, I see a glimmer of a spark from within trying to shine brighter…and…brighter.

Just a Little Compassion

 
Just a little bit of compassion
Can make another feel whole.
 
Just a little bit of compassion
Can help heal a hurting soul.
 
Just a little bit of compassion
Could be our daily life goal.
 
Just a little bit of compassion
Can help fill a hearts gaping hole.
 
Just a little bit of compassion
Can give someone else their start.
 
Just a little bit of compassion
Can bring joy to the saddest heart.
 
Just a little bit of compassion
Is something we can all impart.
 
Just a little bit of compassion
Can make another feel whole.
 
Just a little bit of compassion
Can help heal a hurting soul.
 
Just a little bit of compassion
Could be our daily life goal.
 
Just a little bit of compassion
Can help fill a hearts gaping hole.
 
Just a little bit of compassion
Can make another feel whole.

Do you Remember?

 
Do you remember wondering if you were somehow being punished for some terrible past deed?
Do you remember when survivor, and caregiver were only words in your vocabulary, rather than a way of life?
Do you remember all the energy and hours playing the “what could have been” game?
Do you remember the anger and the remorse?
Do you remember wanting to blame anyone, and everyone for this unforgivable twist in the course of your life?
Do you remember the pain and the uncertainty about what the future would hold?
Do you remember that with the passing of time, the disbelief gave way to realization?
Do you remember when the feelings of horror started turning
into feelings of reality?
Do you remember when the pain started being less acute, when taking a deep breath was no longer impossible or quite as painful?
Do you remember when the grief process allowed you to release some of the over-whelming frustration?
Do you remember when the anger started to finally begin to dissipate?
Do you remember that first cup of coffee that could be once again considered enjoyable and yes, even relaxing?
Do you remember when you first started noticing the beauty of the rainbow after a gentle rain shower?
Do you remember when you first started to notice the beauty in the change of seasons?
Do you remember the first time you noticed that the birds were still singing from the tree-tops?
Do you remember the first time you heard a sad…heartbreaking story and said to yourself “But by the grace of God there go I”, It could be worse?
Did you know that this means that your heart is finally on the
path to healing, recovery and acceptance?

Cannabis and Stroke Healing

Dear friends, I had a hemorrhagic stroke two years ago last month and I survived. I already had a lot of brain damage and due to my epilepsy I was not eligible for the stroke shot. I had been diagnosed with a 90% brain vessel blockage in 2008 that was inoperable. I started on cannabis in 2010. I knew I was racing against the clock. I did have the brain bleed in 2015. The stroke specifically negatively impacted my lungs, heart, kidneys, balance and speech. Against the odds and with no explanation other than cannabis I had my fasted brain trauma healing yet! Cannabis absolutely does help in brain healing and gives HOPE to the hopeless!

Dementia and Cannabis

Dear friends, this is the 4th year of my dementia and cannabis trial. I have shared with you before that measuring improved cognition is a REAL challenge, There are many types of neuro-degeneration caused by several different diseases and disorders. With my severe brain trauma I knew my risk for dementia was high. Now everyones symptoms will be different but I was 57 and almost instantaneously lost my ability to identify music with any person, place or decade in my life. As a brain injury survivor I had depended on music to do just that for over two decades! Just yesterday I started remembering some of my own all time favorite artists and started listening to them on youtube. I remembered all on my own and with my own long term memory! What a victory and now I have new and enhanced music enjoyment! I use THCA (raw cannabis) twice a day ground and put in capsules. 
 

Cannabis and Severe Insomnia

Dear friends, getting control over my severe insomnia was a huge process. A review of sleep disorder studies and surveys suggest that sleep disorders are three times more common in TBI patients than in the general population. Nearly 60% of all people with TBI experience long-term difficulties with sleep. TBI can interfere with the “internal clock” in the brain that controls when we sleep and wake every day. If injured, the brain may not be able to tell the body to fall asleep or wake up. There are chemicals in our body that help us to sleep. An injury can change the way that these chemicals affect the body. When I first started cannabis I was not going to bed a single night of the week anymore. I had gone ten days and ten nights and eleven days and eleven nights. Absolutely nothing could put me to sleep including various prescriptions of sleeping pills that kept failing. When I started using cannabis I was passing out every 72 hours any place I happened to finally fall asleep. I was directed to take all my extra trim and age it in the dark for three months or longer and convert the THC to CBN. I then stated medicating though out the day with my cannabis mixed with the CBN trim. It was actually the first thing that ever slowed my brain and body down. I vaped the CBN rich leaves all day and was able to finally start sleeping nightly on this combination. It did take time and I suspect there was a great deal of brain regulation healing that had to take place. When I lay down each night today, thanks to cannabis and time to regulate my brain, I now know that sleep is finally going to come each and every night!

Was Your Day Lost?

 
As you sit down during the lowering of today’s sun,
And reflect on the acts you have done, was kindness one?
Did you try to help relieve someone else’s stress or strain?
With your actions were you sure to try and also be kind?
Did you in your own way try to help ease someone else’s pain?
If you did any of these things then today you truly shined!
When you sit down during the lowering of today’s sun,
You can be proud of yourself for the things you have done.
But if instead your interest and concern was all on yourself this day,
Perhaps it is time to try a new and more fulfilling kind of way.
If you weren’t able to offer a smile to help cheer another’s heart,
You will miss feeling like you accomplished your personal part.
If, you cannot quite yet conquer these particular trials,
Please remember we give others hope with just a simple smile!
If as you sit down during the lowering of todays sun,
And take the time to count the special acts you have done,
You will realize love and kindness can always start with just one.

Needless Suffering

A quarter century ago, life as I knew it, came to a screeching halt.
An unexpected almost fatal injury left my brain and body to atrophy.
I couldn’t come back to live among the living no matter how hard I tried.
I lost my digestive organs and chronic wasting took a hold of me.
I was not eligible for surgery so a neck brace stayed full time on me.
I was left with years of life threatening seizures daily hurting me badly.
I tried all the medicines, and other treatments eligible to help or treat me.
I tried hard yet I failed and was not eligible for any of the brain surgeries.
I am sure feeling a lot like the old me the one that I lost access to 25 years ago.
Medical cannabis took those life threatening seizures finally away from me.
Medical cannabis makes up for a dozen prescription medicines taken daily.
Medical cannabis makes up for a helmet, neck brace and diapers years worn by me
Medical cannabis taught me that the brain and many other organs can heal these catastrophes.
Medical cannabis is what taught me how many have suffered and died so very needlessly.
Medical cannabis enabled me to write so this neurology news can be shared across the sea.
Medical cannabis taught me that treatment without access to the miracle of cannabis is pure cruelty.
Medical cannabis was the miracle I desperately searched for and I am grateful my family and I no longer
have to be medical refugees.

AURA-PLANE

 
A seizure aura starts as a flutter, as light as a butterfly,
Then I start floating, detached and free.
But as the tingling spreads through me,
And I recognize this feeling,
It is as if this body no longer belongs to me.
Now all my senses are fading,
All sound seems far away.
My heart is rapidly racing,
And my mind is unclear.
I identify with this feeling,
And it is the feeling of fear!
This aura is my warning,
One I must always heed,
This aura is my emergency alert,
It gives me the time that I need.
I will prepare for my landing,
As a pilot and his plane.
My landing point is crucial,
Wherever I land I will feel no shame.
It starts as a flutter, as light as a butterfly,
But it ends in a crash landing.
As the plane falls from the sky,
I look for a safe place to land.
My aura is the instrument panel,
Telling me not to continue to stand.
It may start as a flutter, as light as a butterfly,
I may start floating detached and free.
But this aura is my warning,
That I must protect me.
I am the pilot, my body is the plane.

Thanks For Our Special Teachers

Thanks for making us feel genuinely greeted each and every day,
Thanks for having patience and never making us feel in your way.
Thanks from your students that may not be able to write, hear or speak,
Thanks for meeting our special challenges daily and week to week.
Thanks on the days that our progress may seem like its going extra slow,
Thanks for accepting that we have challenges most people won’t ever know.
Thanks for helping us with our life skills it is much more than a good deed,
Thanks for being our special teacher your time with us helps us to succeed.
Thanks for always continuing to give us your welcoming and genuine smile,
Thanks for not seeming to mind if learning and doing things takes us a while.
Thanks for working and studying with us in your own special way every day,
Thanks for realizing we all have individual needs and for guiding us our own way.
Thanks for being our mentor too and working hard to be a teacher such as you,
Thanks and you need to know our families are also grateful for everything you do.

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