Debbie's Place

A Patient's Point of View

Category: BI News (page 1 of 2)

Cannabis and Stroke Healing

Dear friends, I had a hemorrhagic stroke two years ago last month and I survived. I already had a lot of brain damage and due to my epilepsy I was not eligible for the stroke shot. I had been diagnosed with a 90% brain vessel blockage in 2008 that was inoperable. I started on cannabis in 2010. I knew I was racing against the clock. I did have the brain bleed in 2015. The stroke specifically negatively impacted my lungs, heart, kidneys, balance and speech. Against the odds and with no explanation other than cannabis I had my fasted brain trauma healing yet! Cannabis absolutely does help in brain healing and gives HOPE to the hopeless!

Dementia and Cannabis

Dear friends, this is the 4th year of my dementia and cannabis trial. I have shared with you before that measuring improved cognition is a REAL challenge, There are many types of neuro-degeneration caused by several different diseases and disorders. With my severe brain trauma I knew my risk for dementia was high. Now everyones symptoms will be different but I was 57 and almost instantaneously lost my ability to identify music with any person, place or decade in my life. As a brain injury survivor I had depended on music to do just that for over two decades! Just yesterday I started remembering some of my own all time favorite artists and started listening to them on youtube. I remembered all on my own and with my own long term memory! What a victory and now I have new and enhanced music enjoyment! I use THCA (raw cannabis) twice a day ground and put in capsules. 
 

Cannabis and Severe Insomnia

Dear friends, getting control over my severe insomnia was a huge process. A review of sleep disorder studies and surveys suggest that sleep disorders are three times more common in TBI patients than in the general population. Nearly 60% of all people with TBI experience long-term difficulties with sleep. TBI can interfere with the “internal clock” in the brain that controls when we sleep and wake every day. If injured, the brain may not be able to tell the body to fall asleep or wake up. There are chemicals in our body that help us to sleep. An injury can change the way that these chemicals affect the body. When I first started cannabis I was not going to bed a single night of the week anymore. I had gone ten days and ten nights and eleven days and eleven nights. Absolutely nothing could put me to sleep including various prescriptions of sleeping pills that kept failing. When I started using cannabis I was passing out every 72 hours any place I happened to finally fall asleep. I was directed to take all my extra trim and age it in the dark for three months or longer and convert the THC to CBN. I then stated medicating though out the day with my cannabis mixed with the CBN trim. It was actually the first thing that ever slowed my brain and body down. I vaped the CBN rich leaves all day and was able to finally start sleeping nightly on this combination. It did take time and I suspect there was a great deal of brain regulation healing that had to take place. When I lay down each night today, thanks to cannabis and time to regulate my brain, I now know that sleep is finally going to come each and every night!

BI Awareness and the Techno Age

Dear friends, I have been sharing brain injury
awareness for over two decades. If we really
look around and listen to fellow survivors we
should all eventually realize one humbling
truth! We really live among a world of miracles!
We are an amazing and miraculous brother and
sisterhood. Please give yourself credit for what
you are truly surviving! My first BI awareness
and education website was twenty years ago.
I have been waiting for technology to catch up
with what should finally make brain injury easily
for ALL of society to understand! There really is
NO excuse for this technology dependent society
not to understand and feel compassion for brain
injury survivors. In the height of technology there
is no excuse for people not to comprehend the
importance of our mysterious and amazing BRAINS!
It is our bodies only COMPUTER! Our brain injury put
insurmountable difficulties on our precious computers!
It makes me smile when I think about all the people that
FREAK out if any of their computerized gadgets get a glitch!
They panic if they hear it can’t be fixed by tomorrow! Imagine
if they realized they may have to deal with these glitches long term.

This is the best BI analogy I have been able to come up with in
27 years of trying hard!

We Can Choose

We can choose to just sit and stare,
We can choose to wallow in our despair.
We can choose to focus on how life isn’t fair,
We can choose to isolate and forever live in solitaire.
We can also choose to be kind and fair,
We can choose happiness if we were to dare.
We can choose to be a friend and reach out and care,
We can also choose to again breathe in gulps of fresh air.
We can also choose to find contentment again, somewhere.
We can choose for joy to be continual rather than just rare,
We can always choose to live life to our fullest if we just dare.
We can also choose to be kind and fair,
We can choose happiness if we were to dare.
We can choose to be a friend and reach out and care,
We can also choose to again breathe in gulps of fresh air.
We can also choose to find contentment again, somewhere.
We can choose for joy to be continual rather than just rare,
We can always choose to live life to our fullest if we just dare.

Understand My Anger

I had an instantaneous, unforeseen, insult to my head.
it’s result and effect on my life has me so incredibly mad!
All my many dreams of the future, my hopes and my goals,
all changed and I can’t help that it makes me incredibly sad.

You think and say that I look basically identical to before.
You act like if I tried hard enough I could still be just the same.
In your unrealistic expectation of trying to accept the new me,
your pressure and demands have made me aware this is no game.

You did the best you could but it has been very hard on both of us.
You don’t seem to understand why it has been such a torturous ordeal.
Yet you must remember it isn’t your life that has drastically changed,
believe me when I tell you this heart-wrenching agony is very real.

Don’t misunderstand that I am not grateful or immensely thankful,
yes, I am very aware that my disability could be considerably worse.
But just don’t ask me to pretend it is easy or ask me to try and
minimize.Because today, my life, my losses, my reality, feels very much like a curse.

Someday I am sure I will have the ability to let go of this
incredible pain. But it has to be handled my way, in my time frame, not the demand of yours. Please just try to be patient and loving as I am truly doing the best I can. Some injuries and their aftermath unfortunately don’t have instantaneous cures.

I think you would more easily understand and also been very greatly
angry, if this injury with such devastation had unfortunately, instead
happened to you. So please just try hard to have more patience and compassionate understanding, if anything tragic should ever happen to you, I would stand beside you too.

My exasperation and fury come from my internal tremendous frustration, at all the things that were once easy, and now are so difficult for me to do. Please just try showing some real understanding and sincere empathy, remember things are not nearly as easy for me to do as they are for you.

I used to never blow my top, I was considered as gentle as a lamb.
Now with these brain changes, I just can’t really tolerate very much
I hate to loose my temper, it makes it hard to recognize who I am.
Just try to understand me, and possibly give me a reassuring touch.

I don’t like to allow myself such feelings of wrath or outrageous anger,
over emotions I no longer seem to be able to keep under control.
My agitation certainly doesn’t mean I don’t need love or feel
appreciation, it just means that I am struggling very hard with this unwanted role!

Letting Go

 

If we hide,
we don’t have to decide.
If we pretend,
we don’t have to confide.
If we deny,
we don’t have to face,
the brutal realities,
that throw us off base.
If we stay angry,
we don’t have to deal,
with all of the frustration,
that we really feel.
If we blame others,
we can protect ourself.
If we don’t face reality,
it feels safe on this shelf.
If we stay lonely,
it disguises other pain.
If we stay mad,
it might keep us sane.
If we let go,
could we handle today?
If we forgive,
could we find our way?
If we were willing,
to come face to face,
Would the internal torment,
finally give up the chase?
Probably………

 

Sometimes……..

Sometimes I feel only fright,
sometimes I resent this plight,
sometimes I can not see the light,
sometimes I want to give up the fight.

Sometimes the world feels gray,
sometimes I just feel in the way,
sometimes I can not see a new day,
sometimes it feels as if nothing is okay.

Sometimes I feel very cheated,
sometimes I am totally defeated,
sometimes I no longer feel needed,
sometimes I think I may have conceded.

Sometimes I can not be bold,
sometimes I only feel ice cold,
sometimes all consolation gets old,
sometimes I am fearful I will finally fold.

Sometimes optimism eludes me,
sometimes I miss what used to be,
sometimes I feel angry about the fee,
sometimes disappointment is all that I can see.

Sometimes is not a sin,
sometimes is a place I have been,
sometimes happens just now and then,
sometimes does not mean I will not ultimately win.

Sometimes is just…sometimes.

Learned Memory Post TBI

Dear friends, I am seeing far too many that are not aware of the extent of their memory loss. If we do not remember than in our minds it did not happen. To get an accurate timeline post injury review it with a family member or friend. To fill in any missing memory blanks do the same. I lost 25 years of memory in 2006. I did what is called “learned” memory. I reviewed with a family member the “events” important to me and my family and wrote down what I learned. I grieved the loss of my loved ones. I then memorized the new list of events. Within one year I noticed I could not tell the difference in my learned memory and my true memory!

What I Learned About MTBI

Dear friends, based on the statistics 75% of you have what is diagnosed as a MTBI or mild traumatic brain injury. I want you, your family and friends to know there is NOTHING mild about a MTBI! It is life changing, life altering and makes us unrecognizable to ourselves and others that know us well! These are the truly hidden and invisible injuries of the brain. With moderate to severe brain injury, we are usually no longer able to hide our injuries from others. Please make others realize that mild is in no way, an appropriate or even acceptable name for this injury! For the seven years I had as a MTBI survivor “Massive Traumatic Brain Injury” is what it FELT like to me!
Debbie Wilson

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