Debbie's Place

A Patient's Point of View

Month: November 2016

Something was Wrong

 

My face is numb,
My heart is racing,
I feel very confused,
Something is wrong, I say.
I fall to the floor,
I must have fainted,
I have never fainted,
Something is wrong, I say.
I see the doctor.
He says it must be blood sugar problems,
Test is normal,
Something is wrong, I say.
I see the doctor.
He says it must be a heart problem,
I collapse during the stress test,
Something is wrong, I say.
Cardiologist calls the Neurologist,
It looked like a seizure, says Cardiologist,
Neurologist does another EEG,
Test is normal.
Neurologist says it cannot be a seizure.
Something is wrong, I say.
Neurologist says too much stress,
I keep collapsing,
I go to the hospital,
Something is wrong, I say.
I’m put on a Psychiatric Unit.
Psychiatrist orders more tests.
Tests are normal.
Something is wrong, I say.
Again EEG is normal,
Psychiatrist orders a mobile EEG.
The nurse takes me to the mall,
I have three seizures in one hour,
Psychiatrist tells me I have seizures.
Something is wrong, I say.
I’m put on Tegretol,
Life gets better,
Two weeks later,
I had an allergic reaction to the medicine.
I’m put on Dialantin,
Something is wrong, I say.
I’m having more seizures than ever.
Neurologist says, If you have your tubes tied,
I can help you.
I don’t want my tubes tied,
I do want my life back,
I have my tubes tied.
I’m then put on Depakote.
Oh, no I’m allergic to Depakote.
Neurologist says, the medicine didn’t help.
It must all be in your head.
Something is wrong, I say.
It must be in my head I finally say.
Eighteen months go by.
No improvement, but no drug side effects.
Something is wrong, I say.
I have another EEG.
It is extremely abnormal.
Nothing is wrong, I say.
You are a candidate for brain surgery,
the Neurologist says.
I say all right, I just want my life back.
Insurance company requests s second opinion,
New Neurologist says, it is in your head.
The surgery is too expensive.
It must be in my head.
It has now been three years.
Everything must be in my head.
I go to a Psychiatrist.
He orders all my medical records,
I say please prove it is in my head,
so I can drive again.
He says, you have seizures,
It is not in your head.
You were hit by a pick-up truck.
Psychiatrist asks how many neurologists requested,
My neuro-psychological test results?
I say none.
It is not in your head, he says.
I am sent to a new Neurologist.
He says it is not in your head.
He does another EEG,
It is very abnormal.
He puts me on Neurontin.
Life gets better again,
I now have terrible diarrhea,
It must be in my head.
I don’t call Neurologist,
I get dehydrated,
I’m taking 4800 mg per day,
I go into status epilepticus,
Neurologist asked why I didn’t call?
I say I thought it was in my head,
I have to go off of Neurontin.
I am then put on 400mg of Phenobarbitol.
Life is better again.
Life has hope again.
I swell up like I am nine months pregnant,
My colon has frozen open.
The surgeon removes my colon,
and tells me that mega doses of undigested medicine,
is what froze my colon open and killed the organ.
I can no longer tolerate the Phenobarbital,
with the loss of my colon.
I took various epilepsy medicines for twenty one years,
and never got any seizure control.
I did lose my teeth, gal bladder and my large intestine.
I finally found medical cannabis,
It reduced my seizures one thousand per cent my first year.
It also replaced forty three medications that I took daily.
Today I am seizure free from seven types of seizures,
Medical cannabis was always the answer I needed.
Life is so much better.
Life has real hope again.

If you know something is wrong, don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Believe in yourself, and your own instincts. Don’t let anyone take away your sense of self or your hope.

 

What is Hope?

Hope…is the opposite of despair.
Hope…is a life raft to a person drowning.
Hope…is not a gift, it cannot be inherited.
Hope…is the opposite of discouragement.
Hope…is the desire to keep fighting back.
Hope…is going forward, even when it hurts.
Hope…is belief in yourself, above all others.
Hope…is not tangible, so it cannot be stolen.
Hope…is seeing a parent to a child that is lost.
Hope…is a dry place to sleep for the homeless.
Hope…is peace for those that live in war zones.
Hope…is food for those that are poverty stricken.
Hope…is the burning desire to overcome the odds.
Hope…is the opposite of all that seems impossible.
Hope…is oxygen to a person struggling for breathe.
Hope…is to desire with some confidence of fulfillment.
Hope…is a friend that loves and cares unconditionally.
Hope…is the appeals process for the man on death row.
Hope…is not something that can be bought for any price.
Hope…is what carries us, when we feel too tired to go on.
Hope…is cannabis and it should never be our last choice.
Hope…is the expectation that things will indeed get better.
Hope…is a ray of sunshine, after any devastating life storm.
Hope…is something we find within our own hearts and souls.
Hope…is cannabis and it should have always been the patients choice.

A Little Bit of Compassion

 

Just a little bit of compassion,
Can make anyone feel more whole.

Just a little bit of compassion,
Can help heal a lost and hurting soul.

Just a little bit of compassion,
Can help fill a hearts gaping hole.

Just a little bit of compassion,
Could be everyones daily goal.

Just a little bit of compassion,
is guaranteed to make us all feel good.

Just a little bit of compassion,
reminds us to do what we wish others would.

Just a little bit of compassion,
reminds us compassion is doing what we should.

Just a little bit of compassion,
Can give someone their start.

Just a little bit of compassion,
Can bring joy to even the saddest heart.

Just a little bit of compassion,
Is a gesture of kindness we should all gladly impart.

By: Debbie Wilson

Withdrawal Using Medical Cannabis

Dear friends, I was able to successfully experience withdrawal from many different addictive prescription medications with the help of medical cannabis. I was actually able to come off of 43 pills of my 44 per day! I still currently take 1 mg of Klonopin (clonazepam) reduced from sixteen milligrams per day! I was taking a combination of large amounts of opiates, benzodiazepines, epilepsy medications and antidepressants. I took megadoses of these medicines but I was really motivated to get off as many as possible due to medication induced organ losses. I had a primary care doctor agree to supervise my withdrawal process. I took my cannabis detox journey slow, easy and listened to my body every step of the way! It took me nine months but it can take a few years for some patients! I had previously withdrawn off of each one at various times without the help of medical cannabis and it was hell on earth each time! I can tell you that medical cannabis made it possible for me to detox off all the above classes of medications in a much kinder and safer way! I had been on most of these medicines for over twenty years! There is absolutely HOPE for medical cannabis replacing opiates and many other medicines with horrible side effects and long term negative effects!

The Smallest Things

Sometimes, it is the smallest things,
the littlest things,
that evoke precious rays of daily hope.
Sometimes, we search and can find no running streams,
these, are the times, we tend to isolate and mope.
Sometimes, we may hear a kind voice or a bird sings,
this reminds us we can go forward and continue to cope.
Sometimes, it is the smallest kind gesture that brings,
many of us, off a very slippery and dangerous life slope.
Sometimes, it is the smallest things,
the littlest things,
that evoke precious rays of daily hope.
Sometimes it is the smallest things,
the littlest things.
that help us climb the hardest life mountains as human beings.
Sometimes it is the smallest things,
the littlest things,
that amazingly help give us back our will and our wings.
We are thankful for all the beautiful and small things,
that give us the strength to make and achieve new dreams.
Sometimes, it is the smallest things,
the littlest things,
that evoke precious rays of daily hope.
Sometimes, in the accumulation of the smallest things,
we realize they were the greatest gifts that life ever really brings.
The smallest things are what help us climb the hardest life mountains as human beings.
Sometimes it is the smallest things,
that amazingly help give us back our will and our wings.
We are so thankful for all the beautiful and small things,
that give us the strength to make and achieve new dreams.
Sometimes, it is the smallest things,
the littlest things,
that evoke precious and much needed rays of hope.

 

Ode to the Brain Monster

 

Thanks to medical cannabis I no longer live the gruesome tale of the dreaded brain monster, my term for uncontrolled epilepsy. The brain monster rides piggyback in the recesses of a few chosen brains. It is unclear in most cases how he makes his selection, but the result is always the same. The brain monster is comparable to the worst nightmare of a sleeping child. His size is a little unclear, but he seems massive. His shape is a little hazy, but over-whelming is the word that came to mind. His face, though never very clearly seen by anyone, is most often described as cruel and wearing a smirk across his greedy lips. The brain monster is likened to a shadow because he goes with his chosen everywhere they go.

The brain monster used to be present every time I lay down to go to sleep and was still present at the break of each new day. He used to attend all my social functions and was also present during all my peaceful moments of solitude. He was once ever present and his existence could never be totally ignored. Thanks to medical cannabis I can ignore his existence and go days without giving him a second thought!

Once the brain monster comes to live within a brain, he is stubborn, he resists strongly all attempts at evacuation. Some call him a symptom, some call him a curse. Some call him the brain monster. The main treatment for the brain monster is to somehow keep him calm and sleeping. While he is lying dormant and undisturbed he is much less likely to cause pain and suffering to those of us he has inhabited. It is said that he is to be tip-toed around, cautiously, respectfully, suspiciously. It is sometimes very difficult to find a medicine that will keep him under control.

When he is out of control there are no words quite descriptive enough and no analogy that can exemplify the powerful range of emotions and damage he does to those of us he has inhabited. It is said that the brain monster can be felt stretching and yawning as he starts to awaken. As the brain monster starts to stir, the brain sends signals of warning to the rest of the body. The warning may be felt as the stirring of fear, or may be felt as just a slight tingling or numbness on one side of the body. The warning may be a drop in level of consciousness, or just a brief staring spell. Whatever the warning take care and heed, because it means the brain monster is no longer asleep. Some call this warning an aura, others refer to it as their personal gateway to hell on earth. This monster sometimes becomes all to familiar because he wakes up time and time again. His destruction is felt by far too many. He attacks little precious children, he causes parents many a torturous sleep-less night. He is responsible for immeasurable loss of independence. He has taken many a driver’s license away. The brain monster has caused many qualified workers loss of meaningful employment, loss of confidence, loss, loss, loss. Beware of the brain monster he does not discriminate. I learned that he can waltz in unexpected without warning and without a known cause anytime and inhabit anyone.

I finally experienced that with multiple seizures types resistant to any type of treatment, medical cannabis was what gave me my first and only relief and reprieve from the ominous threat of the brain monster!

 

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