Debbie's Place

A Patient's Point of View

Month: August 2015 (page 1 of 2)

Living With PTSD

I have PTSD,
But PTSD doesn’t have me.
I use meditation,
To help block my negative memory.
I use music,
To help change my mood so others don’t pay the fee.
I challenge myself,
To face the things I’d truly prefer not to hear or see.
I use self hypnosis,
To help change my reaction to people that make me want to harm
or flea.
I have PTSD
And at times, someone may need to help remind me.
I have PTSD and I am just doing my best to keep my hands to me.
I have PTSD snd I am just doing my best to once again clearly see.
I have PTSD and I am just doing my best to figure out how to again just be.
I have PTSD,
But PTSD doesn’t have me.

Truth Is

Truth is we hurt our head,
Too many of us wondered why we weren’t dead?
Truth is we hurt our head,
Too many of us wondered why those we loved also fled?
Truth is we hurt our head,
Too many of us can no longer find sleep in our own comfortable bed.
Truth is we hurt our head
Too many of us cried countless tears on the inside even if they weren’t shed.
Truth is we hurt our head,
Too many find life easier without our presence and this hurts us deep and widespread.
Truth is we hurt our head,
Too many of us have faith and will continue to bulldoze and forge forward and ahead.
Truth is we hurt our head,
Too many of us see a need for brain injury awareness to be freely fed and widespread.
Truth is we just hit our head and want others to benefit from what we feel and have said.

Fear Of Another Loss

Dear friends, many have had questions about fear of loss,  post injury. We have all had our denial totally stripped away. We do all now know that bad things can and do happen. Something very bad happened to all of us. I noticed post TBI I was very nervous initially when my family left to go to school and or to work. When my diagnosing doctor saw me he asked me about any problems and I mentioned my total uneasiness. He smiled as he was a stroke survivor and explained that now that our denial has been stripped away it would take time! He was right and it did get easier with each passing day!

Sometimes……..

Sometimes I feel only fright,
sometimes I resent this plight,
sometimes I can not see the light,
sometimes I want to give up the fight.

Sometimes the world feels gray,
sometimes I just feel in the way,
sometimes I can not see a new day,
sometimes it feels as if nothing is okay.

Sometimes I feel very cheated,
sometimes I am totally defeated,
sometimes I no longer feel needed,
sometimes I think I may have conceded.

Sometimes I can not be bold,
sometimes I only feel ice cold,
sometimes all consolation gets old,
sometimes I am fearful I will finally fold.

Sometimes optimism eludes me,
sometimes I miss what used to be,
sometimes I feel angry about the fee,
sometimes disappointment is all that I can see.

Sometimes is not a sin,
sometimes is a place I have been,
sometimes happens just now and then,
sometimes does not mean I will not ultimately win.

Sometimes is just…sometimes.

Learned Memory Post TBI

Dear friends, I am seeing far too many that are not aware of the extent of their memory loss. If we do not remember than in our minds it did not happen. To get an accurate timeline post injury review it with a family member or friend. To fill in any missing memory blanks do the same. I lost 25 years of memory in 2006. I did what is called “learned” memory. I reviewed with a family member the “events” important to me and my family and wrote down what I learned. I grieved the loss of my loved ones. I then memorized the new list of events. Within one year I noticed I could not tell the difference in my learned memory and my true memory!

What I Learned About MTBI

Dear friends, based on the statistics 75% of you have what is diagnosed as a MTBI or mild traumatic brain injury. I want you, your family and friends to know there is NOTHING mild about a MTBI! It is life changing, life altering and makes us unrecognizable to ourselves and others that know us well! These are the truly hidden and invisible injuries of the brain. With moderate to severe brain injury, we are usually no longer able to hide our injuries from others. Please make others realize that mild is in no way, an appropriate or even acceptable name for this injury! For the seven years I had as a MTBI survivor “Massive Traumatic Brain Injury” is what it FELT like to me!
Debbie Wilson

Acceptance VS Denial

Acceptance in human psychology is a person’s assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest, or exit.
Denial, in ordinary English usage, is asserting that a statement or allegation is not true. The same word, and alsoabnegation, is used for a psychological defense mechanism postulated by Sigmund Freud, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence
For many years, I bought into many different denial schemes. I believed that I should be able to function as a person without a brain injury. My denial was encouraged by those who could not or would not accept that I was indeed disabled because of a traumatic brain injury. Consequently, I continued to berate myself until I began questioning my own denial system. When I stopped trying to measure up to or be someone without a brain injury, I was able to accept myself as a person with a traumatic brain injury.
A TBI is something no one would volunteer for, therefore we understand why denial is a well used tool by survivors and families. The problem with denial is it does not allow us to accept the changes that have certainly taken place in our lives. Once we can accept the truth of our reality, we will not feel the same need to deny our brain injury deficits and can move forward once again.

Life is Hard

Life is hard enough,
catch joy every chance you can.
Life is not very just,
So don’t hesitate to take a stand.
Life is not very just,
So don’t hesitate to help your fellow man.
Life is fragile,
Handle yourself and others with kid gloves.
Life is deserving,
Give freely to others all your amazing gifts of love.
If you want your journey a bit easier make it fun,
Be sure to never forget to enjoy the light of the sun.
Take time for the simple and notice all natures beauty,
Work together as friends to be the best you can possibly be.
Life is hard enough,
catch joy every chance you can!

Debbie Wilson

A Patient’s Point of View Medical Cannabis

A patients point of view about our countries greatest social problem: ITSELF
If we were to legalize medical cannabis the following horrible things would happen.

Our dying, debilitated, and much deserving would get what they need to live and die with dignity.

The social stigma would disappear and this “Gramma” could finally visit her mother, children and grandchildren who are all families supported by the US government.

My friends taking opiates and feeling “out of it” all the time could reduce their medication and enjoy life more fully because their brain could compute again.

My alcoholic friends could get sober or at least reduce their consumption and they may be less likely to kill someone behind the wheel of their car.

Not as many children would be born with birth defects as a result of the side effects of prescription drugs.

There would be an immediate rise in employment and benefits, including unions needed by countless people right now.

Many disorders that there is not currently any adequate medication or treatment
could be treated and symptoms managed.

Medicare and Medicaid would save too much money. I can document that with my own pharmacy bills and physicians.

Too many people would not end up in jail for non violent crimes.

When teenagers are determined to steal their parent’s medicine the result would be they would get lazy instead of requiring a trip to the ER for an overdose or possible death.

Our states would no longer have to be bankrupt, if they handled it correctly.

People might get happier and have more fulfilling lives without the interference of prescription drugs and their horrific side effects.

Our current veterans could get much more help with their mental, physical, and psychological problems.

Our prior veterans would stop being arrested for marijuana charges.

We could reduce the over populated prison by thousands by releasing marijuana possession case inmates.

My brain injured friends and I might mellow out and get control over our anger, rage, and disappointment of living with brain injury.

Debbie Wilson
11-09-2011
A 2 x brain injury survivor with uncontrolled cervical pain and seizures, that has lost her teeth, gall bladder, and colon to side effects of medication that did not control seizures, head aches, neck pain, or chronic wasting. All of these disorders are now controlled with medical cannabis with high cannabidiol (CBD).

Seizures Can?

 

Seizures can steal lives
Seizures can damage brains
Seizures can cause people to isolate
Seizures can steal a lot of a persons life time
Seizures can steal their inner peace of mind
Seizures can cause others to treat them unkind
Seizures can steal a lot of their self awareness
Seizures can cause others to treat them like slime
Seizures can cause them to shed buckets full of tears
Seizures can fill them with immense dread and fears
Seizures can cause a lot of society and self hate
Seizures can make them feeling one else can possibly relate
Seizures can cause them to try every remedy available
Seizures can cause them to live a very limited existence
Seizures can cause serious life and family complications
Seizures can cause loss, pain and unbearable heartache
Seizures can makes them feel like they are really disappeared
Seizures can cause them to be desperate and willing to try anything
Seizures can steal their consciousness and leave them no awareness
Seizures can respond to medical cannabis when nothing else gives them hope
Seizures can help others to take a humane and compassionate and reasonable
look
Seizures do not discriminate and you would desire cannabis access if it were you
Seizures can steal lives
Seizures patients also know that most others would never volunteer them to trade places with you
Seizures and medical cannabis legalization should always be seen with a sincere and loving compassionate point of view

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