On September 15 2013, I wrecked a car.. only to wake up around a month later in Shepherd’s Center (early October). Yes I smoked marijuana recreationally. Never got hurt anyone and did it responsibly.(not when driving or working) I worked at UPS and drove a bobcat, working was my hobby. I was a wild man and threw parties, had a life many would dream of. My TBI is the result of my lifestyle. I accept that. Now we jump forward a 6 months (fired from UPS and Scotts), I lost my insurance. Lost the way to get the 15 pills a day I was taking post TBI to save me.(I was slow, everyone told me) I decided to find how to heal my brain and not admit myself to a hospital claiming I wanted to kill myself. I studied TBI, and how to heal a brain of for real, Not be a patient to pharmacies. I had access to marijuana, and its perscribed to those in states where legal for TBI. I didnt go to streets to get it, just a trusted acquaintance. No one can tell I have TBI even the neurologist I saw.(no more appointments) The people who were around see me now and cant believe the change from then to now. I knew alot about TBI before my accident, because I worked my ass off to raise money for a young lady in highschool my area who got TBI a year and a few months before mine. My heart and soul went into helping her, just because I could and were friends with the family. I didnt know marijuana heals brain until I searched for anything that could. I know at least 5 TBI’rs in my life who still are on pills. My neurologist also said he couldn’t explain it except for the marijuana.(no pills) I used it to heal my brain. And I am stopping to find me a good job again. Although I refuse to lie to anyone about it.(even in church, they dont speak to me alot now) but im ok with it!
I had to first get over being so angry.
I had to first learn to resist my impulse to flee.
I had to first figure out I was not really a dummy.
I had to first learn how to not speak so very gruffly.
I had to fist learn how to stop acting so very bratty.
I had to first comprehend the magnitude of the fee
I had to first learn how to keep from behaving so risky.
I had to first learn this injury could have been deadly.
I had to get used to being teated once again like a baby.
I had to first learn how to walk when it was so very “foggy”.
I had to first come to terms with new and different being scary.
I had to first learn I was a survivor and quite gutsy.
I had to get to the point of recovery that I could finally clearly see.
I had to learn all of the above plus some, to again find my sense of “me.”
Just a little bit of kindness,
could help heal a tormented soul.
Just a simple nod or smile,
could help ease someone’s life toll.
Just a little attention goes so far,
it could help heal a ripped heart hole.
Just a little bit of motivation,
could make someone desperate feel whole.
Just a little bit of compassion,
could help ease what life events may have stole.
Just a little bit of gentleness,
could motivate another towards their destined goal.
Just a little bit of inspiration,
could encourage another to change their negative role.
Just a little bit of sensitivity,
could be our daily global goal.
Somewhat loud with the dishes as the food scraped off the plate,
Walking on egg shells cause mom is mad daddy’s come home late.
Hiding in the corner trying to pretend we’re invisible and somehow alone,
Wishing to ourself, this would someday be a happy gentle home.
Always getting beaten, and never treated very fair or well,
We become one of those children’s whose daily life is a hidden living hell.
If we are a little older we may believe our siblings should not have to pay,
We tend to just take responsibility and no one ever asks what we have to say.
Many blue marks on our backs and lots of slaps to our faces,
Taught us mom and dad couldn’t see it but home was one of those violent places.
We know what you’re thinking we must have been bad,
But that’s not the case we gave our family the best that we had.
They were unhappy and with many alcohol became their boss,
Their angry reactions were our dreaded cost and cross.
All children should have a real reason to put a smile on their face,
No child should warrant abuse they all just need a safe loving place.
So whether you are little or big or a little child or fully grown,
Please remember all children and adults deserve a happy and gentle loving home!
Dear friends, as survivors we may also deal with thoughts of suicide. When we contemplate taking our lives it is usually because we can see no other way out from our current pain or personal horrible dilemma. Suicide is seen by many as an answer to what is perceived as a hopeless situation or problem. Suicide can at times seem preferable to any other option we can see on our own. Suicide is a symptom that our pain is causing us worse pain than we see death as. Those that do choose suicide do not make that choice to hurt or harm others. Those that make this choice do it because it seems preferable to any options they can currently see on their own. Suicide is a final plea for unconsciousness as a way to avoid their tremendous emotional or physical pain. When we start to feel worthless, unloveable and incompetent we are in trouble. Excruciating negative emotions like sadness, shame, guilt, anger and fear from any circumstance can serve as the foundation for suicidal ideations! When we think about suicide as an option we tend to get very tunnel visioned and lack the ability to see other possible solutions to our problems. Most that contemplate suicide are willing to die but definitely also wish they could find a way to bearably live! About 80% of all suicide victims do mention their suicidal thoughts to someone else. Suicide is seen by many, as a way to escape from intolerable circumstances! A suicidal person is convinced that nothing whatsoever can improve their situation and that no one else can help. We as friends can be the ones that do notice when a friends pain has them at the end of their rope. We as friends, can let them know that with a little time life will in fact improve again! We can remind others that all pain lessons in time! We as friends can reach out a loving hand and let those at risk know we are here for them. We are never to judge, we just need to support each other anytime the need arises! <3
Many of you know I have a HUGE dream! I have seen mistreatment of those “in need” for far too many years. I have shouted this need from the rooftops for a quarter of a century! I could see there had to be a better way but had no idea how to make my vision possibly happen. I have searched diligently for the perfect place for a retreat. A place where those in need can live or visit without judgement or mistreatment. A special place to learn from others that have walked in the same shoes! A special place where we can again find our needed courage and hope. A place in nature where we can find peace and serenity! A place where we feel safe and secure and can also afford! A place where we can learn how or use our needed medicine without fear of judgement or ridicule! I have no idea how to write a grant. I have no idea how to raise the needed money! I do have many that have said they will help guide me! I know we need a place like this throughout all states and all nations! Please give me your input after looking at this retreat that seems so perfect! Any and all suggestions are needed and welcome! I need your help to help others! I am a non profit so I am eligible for any possible medical cannabis write offs as well! Thank YOU in advance. Veterans I sure need your input and help also!